The Place:  After a failed attempt at The Hideout (which had been taken over for a SXSW event) we scooted up the street to Royal Blue Grocery, where we found some available outdoor seating.

The Cup: Coffee and Topo Chico for both of us.

The Background: Without question, this is the wackiest “background” on a stranger meeting I’ve written so far. It begins with an email from an old friend, lamenting about his sadness at not being able to attend SXSW and his jealousy that I could walk out my door, during a span of two weeks, and hear an array of amazing musicians from all over the globe. No question, he has reason to be jealous. I decided to send him a link to the Austin 100: A SXSW 2014 Mix, presented by NPR. Here’s what NPR says about the mix:

Every year, more than 2,000 acts swarm to SXSW — and every year, NPR Music painstakingly handpicks 100 of the music festival’s best discoveries for a downloadable six-hour sampler. We call it The Austin 100, and it’s virtually guaranteed to contain something you’ll love that you didn’t know existed.

Tom’s song, Today Is A Bright New Day, is on that list. {Congrats Tom!}. My friend recognized Tom’s name and sent a note back, thanking me for the consolation prize and suggesting I go listen to Tom because he’s a fellow Grand Forks, North Dakota native.

What? Someone from my home town, in Austin playing for SXSW? I’ve got to meet this guy!

I found Tom on Twitter and sent him a note and an invitation to coffee with a stranger. He accepted and within half an hour, our coffee date was set.

Aside from sharing a home town, we have even more commonality in our stories. In most ways though, our paths couldn’t be more different. Before we get into all of that, let’s cover some:

Common Grounds:

1. What’s a food you can’t live without? Fish.
2. How did you make your first buck? Working in a coffee shop – The Coffee Company in Grand Forks. {Spent many hours there studying and caffeinating with my college BFF, Tracey!}
   
3. What is the last thing you fixed? Flat tire. On I-5 outside of Seattle.
4. What’s the best gift you ever got? A bolo tie made for me by Badman Jewelers. Dave (Badman) even put my name on the back. It was the best gift I ever got because I didn’t expect it – it just showed up in the mail.
5. What is the best part of your job? Meeting people. It’s the reason I do this.
6. What is the worst part of your job? That I’m away from people – family, friends. It’s hard to maintain relationships. Your relationships suffer and it’s not because of any other thing but time and distance. It’s easy to get lonely and feel the push and pull.
7. What’s your favorite way to unwind? I love to walk. It would either be walking or watching TV. I find both very relaxing.
8. If you could swap lives with someone for a day, who would you pick? Barack Obama. It would be the ultimate job. I think there’s so much about that job that we don’t know. We’re under the impression that he’s the head of everything, but yet there’s so many people under him that make the decisions. It’s always been a bit of a mystery to me.

Home Sweet Home

Marilyn Hagerty, The ’97 Flood, Tom Brosseau and me. The common thread in all of our tapestries is a little town with a big heart. A community of people who signed petitions against the city’s plans to remove a beloved water tower with a smiley face on it. The petition’s weren’t enough, but the city painted a smiley face on the remaining water tower as an apology. It happened. And it made the news.

A town where getting an Olive Garden really is a big deal and where people still believe you can tell the truth and be nice at the same time. Marilyn Hagerty has been doing just that in her GF Herald restaurant reviews for decades and when Anthony Bordain discovered her, he credited her for “killing snark”. That’s quite an accomplishment.

The ’97 flood was destructive and devastating and it made national news. Partially because of the fire that started in the flooded historic downtown, that destroyed many buildings, because the several feet of flood water made it impossible for fire trucks to respond. The flood brought our community together and for many of us, served as a reminder of what matters most in life.

In college at the time, I happened to be living in an apartment above an old bar in one of those historic buildings. After a day of sandbagging, in an effort to save our neighbor’s homes, I woke up from a nap to see images on the TV of my apartment in flames. I lost “everything”. And when friends and family reached out, sent cards, money, old comforters and towels, called to express their concern and their love – I realized I hadn’t lost a thing. I had everything I really needed – the love and support of people who cared about me. It was a defining moment. In my life. And in our community.

Tom Brosseau is a folk musician who also lived through that flood and wrote about it in his album, Grand Forks. His latest album, released in January, which is album #8 for him, is called Grass Punks. Tom was generous and gave me my very own copy at the conclusion of our chat. I’ve listened to it at least seven times so far and love every note of it. Interestingly, a song called Stuck On The Roof Again is a story of a time Marilyn Hagerty got stuck on her roof while trying to remove snow. It’s a great story and a wonderful song.

Into The Wild

Tom left Grand Forks in 1999, after graduating from college, “to figure it out.” He traveled quite a bit, eventually following his heart (and a girl) to San Diego. Fortunately, southern California is a lovely place with a strong music scene, because the relationship didn’t last. But the music has.

Tom is on tour right now, and when we met up he was just coming off of a West Coast tour with fellow musician and new friend, Shelby Earl. He played four shows in Austin for SXSW, and next is headed across the pond – with shows lined up in Germany, The Netherlands, Austria, Switzerland, The United Kingdom and then back to sunny CA at the end of April.

Quite the tour! Tom is grateful for the work and enjoys playing and meeting new people. But he does share with me a downside to all this activity. He says, “Times goes so quickly. My life is measured by things I’m going to be doing in the future. It kind of makes me feel sad; blue.” He adds that he has friends who are planning group trips and he always misses out because he’s already spoken for.  Of being a musician, he says, “There’s this struggle of being wanted and then being forgotten about.”

Discovery

Tom is very humble. There’s a sincere mindfulness about him, and a sense of gratitude about his life and the path he’s been on to get to this place. He is a man who enjoys the new faces and places, and the fans, but he’s also someone who seeks groundedness and longs to be “home”. One of his hobbies is walking and figuring out a city, by covering it on foot. He talks to me about walking the streets of Hollywood in Los Angeles and the appreciation he has for the history of a city and it’s hidden gems – like the Los Angeles River, which many people don’t know exists.

Home is something Tom and I share. Tom is a true North Dakota boy, and the pride and affection is evident – not just because of album he wrote named for our hometown. When I ask about his greatest achievement to date, Tom doesn’t hesitate. He says, “Getting the key to the city from Mayor Mike Brown. I carry it with me.”

What? You have it with you? Can I see it? I ask.

Mementos

Sure thing. Tom pulls out a small, clear box of trinkets. Inside are a few finger picks for playing guitar, a North Dakota charm on a safety pin and the shiny, gold key to the city of Grand Forks.  I am impressed. And immediately wonder what I could do to get one of my very own. It certainly won’t come from my musical talents, or lack thereof. I table the strategizing for now.

On The Road Again

The most significant thing that’s happened to Tom in the last 30 days is the time he spent on the road with his new pal Shelby Earl. The pair toured nearly the entire west coast together. He says, “It’s a significant journey when you travel all those miles. As I drove, she was always there, to the right of me, talking and sharing stories. It is a beautiful thing, to share like that. It touches me. It’s not about the music. The music is 45  minutes of the night. It’s about everything else – communication, relations, sharing. It’s powerful and it’s beautiful.” I tell Tom that Shelby sounds amazing and that I plan to check her out. He says, “You’ll love her. She’s got one hell of a voice.”

All That Glitters

How about something people might be surprised to learn about Tom? He thinks it’s his interest in fashion that people might find surprising. He tells me he loves all the detail in fashion, and he believes fashion and music go hand-in-hand. He uses Elvis as an example of a time when musicians put more effort into their appearance on stage. Tom says, “People used to dress in coats and ties. That’s missing these days.” He’s right. You’re more likely to see jeans and a t-shirt on stage than a hand-sewn, custom shirt, tailored dress pants and shined shoes. And not just on stage, but in offices, in restaurants and at the airport. People used to dress up to board a plane! Tom and I share a laugh when we discuss the sweatpants-wearing, pillow-carrying people you fly next to these days. “Get it together, people!” I often feel like saying when I see folks who clearly crawled out of bed moments earlier.

Tom tells me that Chris Isaak was once quoted as saying something about the glitter and glitz that you see on stage is really who he is all the time. Tom says, “I feel the same way. That’s me, all the time. It’s the message you are putting out there about who you are. I want to put out a positive message and positive energy.”

Wall of Fame

Tom isn’t much of a bucket list sort of guy, but he does share one big dream. When he was a young boy, he visited the ND state capitol building in Bismark. He remembers a wall of photos of famous people from North Dakota, like Lawrence Welk. Tom says from that day on, it’s been his dream that one day his picture would find itself sharing that wall with the king of Champagne Music. If I am asked to cast a vote, Tom will certainly get it.

Music Makes Me Happy

What if happiness were the national currency – how would Tom earn his living? Pretty much as he’s doing it now. Although he says it would be more about practicing guitar and writing songs in his room, instead of playing them on a stage. He enjoys the thrill of being on stage, but that’s not the best part of making music. Tom enjoys practicing the scales and telling tales though song – like any great folk singer, he’s a gifted story-teller. Tom explains that when you make music for a living, you have to sell it. That’s something in the back of your mind and a sort of pressure that Tom could do without. But he’s quick to remind me that it’s all just part of it. You take the good, you take the bad. Overall, he’s happy and doing work he enjoys.

Unplug

The biggest issue facing society today, according to Tom, has to do with technology. He says, “Technology is wonderful, and it’s a plague.” He goes on to explain that when people plug in, they tune out. It’s the tuning out that’s dangerous. Another song on his new album is called Cradle Your Device which describes a relationship that is suffering because something has come between the pair – in this case not another person, but a device. A lover who finds her smartphone more endearing than her partner. It’s funny. And it’s not.

Tom describes a lack of boundaries with our technology and suggests it’s a problem when we’re so attached to it that is comes to bed with us. Feeling this is evidence of a much larger problem, he adds, “People make the experience of the world their own, ignoring others in the process.” He describes heads down, looking at tiny screens instead of the world around them. We veer back to the airport discussion and Tom talks about the person who shows up in pajamas, carrying a pillow. They are clearly only concerned with their needs and their comfort. They have no regard for how their decisions might impact those around them.

Head Games

I can imagine how this is playing out in the heads of various readers. Some of you are nodding your head and saying, “Yeah, what happened to civility and decorum? When did we decide, collectively, to not give a damn? And when did we start wearing sweatpants with words written across the bum out in public?” Then there are those who enjoy the relaxed nature of things today and who say, “Flip-flops to a board meeting (or the White House) is fine by me. Footwear has no impact on intelligence or professionalism. I’ll dress how I’m most comfortable and could care less what anyone says.”

I hear and understand both sides of that discussion. Which is stating the obvious, since it happened in my own head. But aside from that, I get it – both points.

Get It Together

In the end, Tom isn’t suggesting one way is superior. He’s simply making the point that the manner in which you present yourself to the world has an impact. It’s a message you are sending about who you are and what you stand for. And in the case of the pj-wearing airport patrons, an indication of whether or not you brushed your teeth. Come on! If you leave your house in your jammies, I am going to assume you had no time to brush the morning out of your mouth and I’m going to keep my distance. Get it together, people!

A ritual that Tom tells me is important to his success and overall happiness is daily prayer. Also, before a performance, he likes to wash his face and brush his teeth. (He’s who you hope is in the seat next to you on the plane.) I consider some of the live music venues in Austin and can only assume the bathrooms are roughly in the same condition for the musicians as they are for the patrons. I ask Tom if he ever has a hard time finding somewhere to clean up and he confirms it’s tough. He describes green rooms as generally being filthy, rarely having hot water and inevitably having a light flickering on and off in a corner. He manages though and describes the process as “cleaning the slate”.

Tom is busy, but he does make time for a few hobbies. In addition to walking and discovering new cities, he enjoys creative writing, drawing and working with construction paper. He says he has made a few posters for his shows with a construction paper technique that involves tearing out shapes. Tom also likes to read and a book he cites as being pivotal for him was The Stranger by Albert Camus which he read in his youth and says changed him in some way. A more recent read that was also impactful was the classic East of Eden by John Steinbeck.

Oldie But A Goodie

A nugget of advice Tom carries with him, like his precious trinkets, comes from another Grand Forks native, dancer and singer June Randall who warned Tom, “Don’t do drugs.” Simple advice, and likely not the first time he’d heard it. But June was someone who Tom admired and respected and he says despite regular temptation, he has followed that advice to the letter. And he’s grateful for it.

With 30 seconds to make a speech to the world, Tom’s message would be this: “Think beyond the boundaries of technology. Treat everyone around you with respect. From the garbage man to the person behind the counter, to the person working high up in the office building, we need to respect everyone. That will make a huge difference.”

Tom’s biggest ambition in life is to spread a positive message and have a positive influence in the lives of the people he touches.  His music is his message. Thoughtful lyrics paired with acoustic melodies – what Tom gives us is more like poetry set to music. He crafts a song with the same deliberate care he takes in preparing himself to be on stage. What he offers his audience is a gift. The gift of himself. He chooses to wrap that gift in a clean, crisp package, with glitz and glamour that is uniquely Tom. The gift is yours and it’s given with love.

Back Home

Where is home? For Tom, it’s Hollywood, it’s the road; it’s the hotel room he wakes up in tomorrow. For me, it’s Austin, TX. But for both of us, our one true home, is a place we couldn’t get away from fast enough. But a place that we appreciate now much more than we ever did as kids.

The flat topography where the only variation is a farm house every mile or so used to make me feel bored and insignificant. Now, it fills me with wonder and awe. You can see for miles in every direction, and there’s a majesty about that which I used to call desolation. Tom and I share memories of a community of people who we now realize are salt of the earth. I no longer mistake their niceness for naiveté. In a world where snark is the new smiley face, I cling to memories of a town that fought to keep the smile. And when they lost the fight, they painted a new one. Those are my people. Our people. That is our home. And for that reason, this really wasn’t a coffee with a stranger after all. This is a special coffee, with a friend. I just hadn’t met him yet.

Tom says, “To really appreciate home, it’s important to leave. But always remember who you are and where you came from.”

Thanks for the reminder, Tom. And thanks for the coffee, the music and the slice of home.